The Number One Reason Your Diet Is Failing You (Hint: It’s Not What You Think)
When you’re trying to lose weight, it’s likely you’ve overlooked this one thing.
Sure, you know how to count calories, drink enough water, avoid processed foods, and follow the detox protocols. After decades of following all kinds of diets, workouts, biohacking trends, and all the stuff that promised lasting change – I learned there was something missing.
While many of us get obsessed with food, supplements, workouts, and biohacking, I’ve learned there’s one hidden secret that Health Coaches who weren’t trained at ITN just flat out overlook. After decades of hard work, I learned the hard way that those tools alone are not enough and it’s actually about something deeper than food.
THE BIGGEST SECRET YOU’VE BEEN MISSING WHEN IT COMES TO WEIGHT LOSS (OR GETTING FIT)
Just like you, I’m not here to spend 80 plus years “working” on my body. And after spending countless hours and dollars trying to fix myself, I got sick and tired of doing it wrong.
At that point, I had two options, keep struggling to find the “thing” that would finally “work” to lose the weight, or find a way out of the diet and food obsession. Of course, that left me with two big questions.
How do I even get myself to let go of the desire to lose weight when for decades I’ve been caught in the struggle?
How do I get myself to want peace first when I had felt like being thinner had to happen immediately or I’d never feel good enough?
It was a tough sell because every diet before, even the “intuitive eating” one was always on a backdrop of, “I’ll eat what I desire but really I’m just doing that because I think I’ll lose weight.”
I have overcome eating disorders, overeating, compulsive dieting, restriction, bingeing, purging, and everything in between. I thought I was “fixed,” but I realized recently that I still have food patterns that I want to change because they still control my mind.
After trial and error I realized my problem wasn’t in my diets – it was how I felt about myself. It was about how I talked to myself. All those years I had spent doing the ‘outer work’ of eating the right foods, chugging the green drinks, and pouring myself into books – I overlooked the most essential element of any success.
“As within without.”
Instead of loving myself, my mind was constantly consumed by a barrage of questions that kept me pointed away from self-love.
HERE’S WHAT MY MIND SOUNDED LIKE PRIOR TO MY BIG REALIZATION
Prior to realizing that my inner-game needed to change before I could have transformation, my mind haunted me. My thoughts were consumed with food and with the strategy of being a better version of myself.
Maybe you can relate with these thoughts that were constantly running through my mind?
- What diet should I follow?
- What supplement should I try?
- Did that bloat me?
- Why am I gassy?
- What should I eat for dinner?
- What’s next to eat?
- What if there’s nothing I can eat?
- I just need to lose 15 pounds and then I’ll be happy.
I could go on and on, but you get the point.
When it comes to food and what to do, my mind pestered and consumed so much of my energy.
What’s funny about those questions is they were constantly going on and on and on in my head. And it wore me down until I just felt sick inside and didn’t like myself.
Ironically, the constant barrage of questions were always happening except when I was actually eating!! Looking back, I realize that even while I was eating I was distracted. I was never present and completely out of my body.
THE LESSON I LEARNED ABOUT FOOD & WHAT YOU CAN TAKE AWAY TOO
My intention here is to share with you the big key that no one talks about when it comes to making any diet ‘stick’ and actually work.
If you want to have that ideal body, you can’t start with diet alone. You can try all the natural aids for weight loss, but it’ll never be complete without the inner game. When you work on yourself from the inside out, you can have anything you want.
For me, everything changed when I was willing to work towards accepting my body. The idea of just being open to the idea of loving my body was enough to make a significant shift. Making your diet work begins with loving yourself and loving your body right now.
I know, I can hear you gasp and ask, “Not in my eating habits??”
Well, that was my first thought, and I ignored this truth for many years. Lucky for me, the universe has quietly guided me back.
FOOD IS NOT THE PROBLEM
I thought I was in control and had this food thing down. I have a long list of, “I don’t eat that.” Friends would often say, “How do you not want to eat that cookie?” (or whatever it was) and I’d say, “It’s just not a thing for me. I just made a choice that I don’t eat that. Just like someone who doesn’t smoke, I don’t think about biting that cookie.”
I thought I had it figured out, but I still felt off. No diet really stuck, and my will power was constantly fatigued (decision fatigue is a real thing y’all). Using all that energy to fight myself from eating certain foods eventually wore me out, and I couldn’t maintain my diet.
Come to think of it, I always felt fear around certain foods. While I was happy to simply refuse them, I knew fear wasn’t the emotion I wanted. I could lose weight and then still be constantly controlling to make sure it stayed off. I wasn’t free, and my self-control was like a prison. Even if I ate healthily, it was unhealthy. Like the time I turned my skin orange from eating too many carrots and pumpkin. Or those countless days I binged on healthy snacks and made myself feel sick.
Many of us think food is the answer, so we try to change how we eat – and yet – we find a way to keep our unhealthy habits even with nutritious foods. This is why I say you can’t focus on just the foods you’re eating. You have to start with self-love first.
And how about apps designed to change your eating habits?
Well, I used apps like myfitness pal and still didn’t succeed. Sure, I’d find new diets and more health tips, but somehow I’d find a way to make those things work against me. Focusing on changing my habits only kept me on the hamster wheel of seeking new diets, new apps, and new methods. In some ways, it was like I was avoiding the deeper work of self-love by thinking I could just control everything.
HOW SPIRITUALITY HELPED ME PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER
In a separate (or what I thought was separate) part of my life, I was deep into my spiritual journey. I was developing habits and practices and creating a “God” of my own understanding. And yet, I still didn’t feel it. I would cry that I didn’t feel my faith. I knew I had faith in my mind, but it didn’t seem to translate to my heart. It just felt kind of empty, if that makes sense.
It wasn’t until recently that I really got it, and now I’m so committed to never losing it again. Here’s what I understand, until I combine my relationship with my inner self with my food patterns, I will never really be free from food obsession and dieting (no matter what my weight is). Until I find that self-love and deeper connection with (source, God, the universe or whatever resonates with you), I will never really feel my faith, and I will never be satisfied. I will always be trying to fix something externally and coming up short!
How could I possibly feel my faith in my body when I was constantly turning to food to fill me up? I was barely recognizing how this was showing up in my life until one morning, I had this moment as I was running and out of my mouth came, “I will never lose another pound if it means I can feel my faith, feel love, feel God.”
As soon as I said it, I wanted to take it back! The thought of not losing the rest of the “baby weight” (my latest weight goal) felt terrifying! I have never really given that up before. I practice “surrender” and yet I was always surrendering only the things I was willing to give up. But surrender isn’t a pick your path buffet, it’s a full on surrender of everything you think you want.
I took a breath on the trail, and let a few tears fall. In that moment I was ready. I knew it would be only a matter of time now that the Universe would show me my next steps.
And so here I am, sharing with you because if you’ve spent twenty years trying to control your diet in hopes of loving yourself and feeling free but you’ve forgotten to nurture your spirit, your inner connection to a higher power, and your Inner love, then you definitely still feel like “nothing is working.” You’re likely off trying to “fix” some problem or another (weight, thyroid, adrenals, gut… you name it!) and constantly wondering when you’ll “figure it out.”
I DON’T HAVE A COOKIE-CUTTER PLAN FOR YOU
I’d love to offer you a step by step guide, but in truth, the path to self-love is already inside you. Your path to connecting with yourself is present to you in this moment. No manual needed.
What I will suggest is this. Say this prayer or mantra every morning and every time you think of it and then follow the impulses you get throughout the day.
“I trust that I am always being guided. Please show me today how to let go of this.”
I received this mantra when I was reading a book by Gabby Bernstein. Inside that book I highlighted the word “always” because it stuck out to me as an important reminder to remember: The universe always has my back, even in the most mundane parts of my life. The universe is always supporting me, and I can surrender in every moment.
Remember your desire is to turn this over, to surrender your struggles, to find humility and release the idea that you’re in control of anything.
Say it with me…
I am guided as I learn to love myself again. I am guided as I learn what my mind and body need.